I didn’t invite you to my pity party and other thoughts



One day last week I cried so much I had to drink tall glasses of water for the rest of the day to rehydrate myself. I cried for different things that both were and weren’t happening to me. I won’t bore you with my “stuff.”  I’m sure you have your own.

I invoked Tony Robbins’ “90 second rule” — but I turned it into a four hour rule, because 90 seconds seemed a little too short for me (haha). The 90 second rule is to let yourself feel your pain, sorrow, suffering for 90 seconds.

After 90 seconds you must put your suffering aside. How do you do that? You turn to gratitude. You think of all the good things in your life and what you can be grateful for.

Tony’s point is that you can’t suffer and be grateful at the same time, and that feeling grateful feels ever so much better than suffering. So you let the gratitude take up the space and shift your energy.

It worked. By indulging myself fully with my sadness, I was able to move on. Now I’m spending my time coming up with solutions for the things I was crying about.

“Busy Healing”

I haven’t posted on Camp Liza in awhile because I’ve been “busy healing.” Who would have thought that healing would be so busy? I knew that physical healing would take time, lots of rest and rehab, but I was unprepared for the mental energy that was required. The mind, the heart, the soul need to catch up and heal too.


Every day someone asks me, “How are you feeling?” At first my answers related to my physical self: good, great, fine.  As the days turned into weeks I was surprised that the word, “vulnerable” popped out of my mouth.  Emotionally vulnerable, dependent, physically vulnerable. Unequal to the demands of daily life. I see now that as my personal strength returns, the vulnerability is slipping away.

Soft tissue

I learned there’s a thing doctors call “soft tissue healing.” Soft tissue is everything that’s not bone. It’s flesh, fat, blood, veins, ligaments, muscles.

I’ve included in soft tissue: our emotions, our heart, our spirit. We are all soft tissue, healing, all the time. It’s a metaphor for all the wounds in our lives.  Our social selves that maneuver through the world, that take the nicks and bumps required to maneuver through our days. We function, but inside, our soft tissue needs patience, understanding and more patience.

What you don’t do

Healing has taught me that what you don’t do, is just as important as what you do. Healing takes many forms. A day spent lying on the couch reading and watching Netflix is just as important as a session of fisio.


This is the word I have settled on. That’s what I want. To be fluid. To move fluidly, to live fluidly. To move from moments, to go from here to there effortlessly, without struggle and with delight.

Becoming Unshakeable

I’ve been reading tons, and amongst the spiritual books, the mysteries, the historical fiction, I read Tony Robbins’ latest, “Unshakeable.” A few years ago I read his hefty 600 page tome, “Money, Master the Game.” It changed not only my financial life, but my emotional and spiritual outlook as well.

Realizing that many people were daunted by an 600 page book, Tony slimmed it down into “Unshakeable.” I highly recommend it. I definitely feel unshakeable. Thank you Tony!

The facts

The rainy season has begun in Tropica, my DD has moved to France and I continue healing. My summer is devoted to putting the finishing touches on an E book I want to publish in the fall. Working on my cookbook. Plotting out another book. Physio in the pool twice a day. Knitting. Reading. Baking. My wish for you, dear reader: Take good care of you. Be gentle with yourself.

xo Liza

So nice to be back at Camp Liza! Tell us what you’ve been up to or what you plan to be up to this summer. Let’s inspire and entertain each other with our fascinating — and even less than fascinating doings. The comments box is waiting below. And if you like being part of a witty, intelligent, life loving group of women, enter your email in the box above so you won’t miss a thing.






11 thoughts on “I didn’t invite you to my pity party and other thoughts

  1. WOW. Thank you for this post. It was everything I needed to read right now with stuff going on in my own life. I’ll also look for the books. Best to you.

  2. Liza you are always true to yourself and this article proves to me the incredible strength it takes to admit this vulnerability and inner chaos. There is nothing I can say to help you heal the soft tissue of your hips and legs but know that my friendship and love for you is weaving little stitches in bright colors to hold the beautiful soft heart and brilliant mind that is you my friend. Sending lots and lots and lots of love. xx margaret

  3. thank you, Liza. I have been recovering from the long and sad death of my husband. I have also decided to retire from my business which has been extremely difficult emotionally. I really appreciate insights from women who face challenges with strength and a sense of joy. Thank you for your blog.

  4. Dearest Mary, be gentle with yourself and don’t let anyone ignore your grief or tell you what it should look like. My adorable husband died 5 years ago and it took that long for me to get in a good place. Grief is different for each of us, but it is ours to experience. For me, it did not get better or easier….it just got different. Find your “people”. Mine are mostly all changed from the ones of married life, but they are my people and I love them dearly.

    Liza, keep the pity party and healing words flowing. I need them as my ankle replacement is scheduled for July 6….Forward!

  5. Dear Liza,

    Thanks for your article. You have a great and refined sense of humour. Sorry about all your tears and pain. I am hugging you from São Paulo Brazil. A long distance hug but sincere.
    Best wishes.

  6. Hi Liza

    Glad you are doing better!

    Not easy, but keep fighting your way to healing. One day at a time.

    Many Blessings!!!

    Maria E. Cervera
    Miami, Florida

  7. Great insights Liza! So wonderful and inspiring to read your words! The message you share is so important for all of us.
    Reminding myself of vulnerability and accepting that part of me which includes my strength (the other side of the coin). And beeing kind an understanding with myself is a new action in my life!
    Hope to see you soon! Thank you!

  8. Thanks for sharing Liza! I was just wondering how your recuperation was going. Thank you for reminding us about gratitude. I also need to remember to be kind to myself.
    Blessings to you.

  9. Great post Liza! I think that, too often, we try to ignore, cover up, push through our pain. It is important to acknowledge it and FEEL it. It will come out some time down the road and often in a destructive way. I’m so happy that you were comfortable to take longer than 90 seconds. That seems rather arbitrary to me. As Mary and Debbie pointed out, the loss of a spouse or other significant person in your life can take years. It is important to be with it and find support. Sheryl Sandberg has some great advice on this.
    I also loved your expansion of the definition of “soft tissue”!
    Thank you so much for a lovely, thoughtful and helpful post.

  10. Thanks for that Liza.
    Many tears here. Your profound words have moved me beyond…..
    Time for me to keep keeping on.

    Here’s my contribution to the pity party brigade: I’m 57. Hubby passed some years back. No life insurance, lost everything including my car that broke down and I dealt with it by going to bed for 2 weeks. Moved in with my mother. Found a job. Also found my reward (handsome man that takes me fishing) for being a good wife and caretaker for years. Small snag: I won’t receive his pension, he’s 17 years my senior and changed his retirement after his wife passed. Home is paid for so I will have a roof over my head…that’s a big deal. No life insurance to speak of. But, he’s dang handsome and makes my heart skip a beat even after 9 years. And don’t forget the fishing part. Chose him over working 60 hours a week. Quit and went to Fla for winters to win the How to live frugally in paradise on one small retirement income…award. Time trumped money. Took a break from paradise to win the How to recollect freezing your butt off in the mitten.. award. Me: Retirement finances: crap. Plan B…perhaps I’m on E by now. Found this writer. Getting good advice and am in the drivers seat of my (however non existent) financial future. I decided that I am a smart woman and can achieve anything with the correct guidance. All of a sudden I don’t feel so alone. It’s not over, I’m not too old and it’s not too late. I am going to do all the things you just said, Liza. Now, where is that tea cup that I adored so long ago……

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