Houston, we have a pants problem

black pants

Warning!  This post may bore you to tears.  Or you may laugh and recognize yourself.

Hey, it’s a beach read, slouchy, easy…and people love it when I air my dirty laundry (in this case, pants) in public.  Here goes.

I invited my DD to be the voice of reason as I tackled, Marie Kondo style, the pants section of my closet.  As I kept bringing out armfuls of pants, DD’s face went from amused to shocked.  The problem is: every single pair brings me joy.  That means they’re keepers, right?

I have a minimalist house — the “sliding glass doors and two identical couches facing each other in the living room” look. I’m not a collector or a hoarder. I recently donated my entire DVD collection to a charity and got rid of most of my books.  I had an empty nest garage sale last winter, that left me and DD so exhausted we couldn’t even talk.

I have admitted to a handbag situation in the past.  And maybe I had a fling with scarves.  All that’s over now.  I’m against the tyranny of women walking around carrying suitcases disguised as handbags. I couldn’t bear to own another scarf.

My closet is arranged, KonMari style, like a boutique. I adhere to one new item in, one old out. My DD thinks my pants problem is because I only own maybe three dresses and three skirts. But still.

Every pair of black pants has a little twist that I’m fully engaged with and aware of. A black ponte jean. A black ponte legging. A black stretch corderoy.  A grey/black velvet fuzz.  Black linen cropped wide.  Black slouchy handkerchief linen tapered. Black cotton harem. Black wide leg silk.  Black velvet.  Black stretch crepe.  Black washable wool.  Black leggings. Black sweatpants. A new pair coming this weekend:  black cropped lightweight viscose (that I’m sure I’ll live in 24/7).

Blue jeans?  Three:  skinny, wide crop, boyfriend. That’s good, right?

Grey pants.  Okay, maybe a bit of a grey problem too. Grey washable wool wide crop.  Medium grey skinny jeans.  Palest of pale grey skinny jeans.  Pale grey cargo.  Pale grey boyfriend jeans.

White pants.  Three pairs of white linen. (You can only wear linen once in Tropica, before it goes into the wash, so I have to be ready with another pair, right?)  One pair of white jeans.

Miscellaneous:  Denim melange Tencel slouchy.  Navy blue leggings. Brown stretch crepe.

Are you still with me?  Time to analyze the situation.  Why do I have so many pants?

  1.  Deprivation shopping.  I suffer greatly from this.  I can’t shop in Tropica. Clothing of my style and lifestyle doesn’t exist here.  So when traveling it’s  “I better buy this because I may never see it again” or “I won’t find it when I need it.”
  2. Things go to shit fast in Tropica. The sun, the hard calcium water, the heat and the fact that you can only wear something once means you have to wash it all the time and washing at this rate fades and disintegrates clothes fast. Clothes suffers in Tropica. Pants grow on the hangar. Linen sags and wrinkles within the first five minutes.  Perspiration blotches on your tummy, your back. White clothes yellows. Mosquito blood stains. (Attractive!) So I buy two white tees for when one dies, I’ll have the other one.
  3. The proper way to wardrobe in Tropica is: buy some clothes. Wear and wash for six months. Throw it all out and buy it again.
  4. Because of the heat and sweat, you might change clothes several times a day. You go through a lot of clothes in one week.  I can change undies 4 times a day easily.  Is this too much information?  So, the justification of having enough…means having too much.
  5. My style is wrong for Tropica.  I like to layer.  So my eyes have a bigger appetite for fashion than is my reality.  I’m buying for a lifestyle that I don’t have.
  6. I travel and I love seasons, fall winter and spring — and I have pants for those seasons because I can’t arrive to a place and start shopping because I don’t have the necessary warm clothing.  So I buy it and it adds up here.

The Bottom Line:  Like Steve Jobs with his black turtlenecks and Mark Zuckerberg with his hoodies, I dress in a uniform: mostly black pants. I must be a genius, like them!

I’ve made my peace with the pants tsunami.  I tried every pair to make sure of the joy.  Got rid of a few.  And made the commitment to not buy another single pair for YEARS.

Now, as to my bathrobe collection.  You know that I love bathrobes, right?  Just kidding.

Sip those icy cold beers and read those great books.  It’s summer!

xo Liza

Hello my lovelies!  What is multiplying mysteriously in your closet or in your life?  I showed you mine, now you show me yours. Summer is a great time for a reevaluation and a clean out.  So tell all in the comments box below.  Please like and share this post with friends via the clever buttons.  And if you haven’t already, enter your email in the box at the right so you won’t miss a thing. 

11 thoughts on “Houston, we have a pants problem

  1. I loved the humour in this one! thanks so much! and after all, you are always looking great and here’s the secret!!!!
    hugs and love

  2. Liza, there is also the black shoes issue: pointed flats, round-toe flats, low heel pointed, high heel rounded-toe, high heel pointed, suede low heel, sandal, huarache, flip-flop, peep-toe wedge, patent leather mid-heel, low heel knee-high boot, ankle boot, etc. And I need each and everyone one of them!

    1. Oh Judy, thank you for the black shoe situation. Ha ha ha. I hear you! I haven’t gotten to the black shoes yet, and I think we have something in common here… Carry on!

  3. Really touched a nerve with me – and oh, so true! I wish I could adhere to the “one new in – one old out”!

    1. Hi Ronda. Please tell us more about the nerve I touched. It is truly a very painful issue, isn’t it? Carry on! Be brave.

  4. I laughed, I cried, I totally connected! Even in the states we live with the “just in case” factor! Just in case I feel in the mood for cotton, or jeans, long, short, capri style. I so understand your dilemma. I am trying to get rid shorts. Shorts, seriously?? I am 64 years old, don’t want anyone to see a full knee cap. MANY sets of capri’s – all colors, all materials. What do I do? Go to Macy’s sale and buy bright red… shorts. There is a message there, and I’m not quite sure what it is. I did the same thing with a pair of bright red patent leather HIGH HEELS last summer. My inner dressing diva blurts out every now and then. I am lucky to have a great consignment store nearby 🙂 Loved your post!

  5. This could be me! My ‘uniform’ is black bottoms (pants, capris and shorts) although I do have 2 pairs of blue jeans. No skirts and I own only 2 dresses.
    I always ask myself why I need so many black pants but your post addresses that! They are all slightly different and ‘so necessary’. Thanks Liza, glad to hear that I’m not alone!

  6. black pants and black tops….all just a wee bit different….and some are duplicates ‘just in case’ I tend to wear a dash of color in my tanks….and I have black cover tops…kimonos short sleeve chenille…long sleeve knit …3/4 sleeve knits…another long sleeve knit…3/4 sleeve swing…boyfriend….luscious cashmere…wool….how much black can I own? lots apparently…and I haven’t even touched on the shoes…so many in attempt to find the orthotic support that doesn’t look frumpy…the shoe that ‘looks’ like a heel but isn’t ….that doesn’t hurt my toe (from surgery)…on and on..and so many in black…with a dash of red! clothes…shoes…totes…are my continual…’too much?’ area…..other things I have no problem tossing…

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