Who let the fear in?

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Lately, fear has crept into my life.  I can’t pinpoint exactly when, why, where or how.  I never used to be a fearful person.

When I was younger, I’d make a plan and go for it.  Move to New York and go to grad school? Yes! Quit my job and start a business? Yes!  Move to a foreign country to write a novel? Yes! Marry a foreigner?  Be the founder of the Merida English Library?  Yes and yes!

I’m in a blessed moment in my life when I have the freedom to change my life again, big time. I’m free from the formal work world, as I’m my own boss.  Free from a bad marriage. The children are grown. I can now choose to live exactly as I want and where I want, and suddenly a fear cloud has appeared: What if this…? and maybe I shouldn’t…and what if that…? and I don’t know…maybe I should…  ARGGHHHH!!!!!!

Is this a consequence of aging? Is it because I’ve lived long enough to see the consequences of decisions good and bad?  Is it because I’ve seen evil at work in the world? Is it because my time frame of recovery is shorter and it’s more difficult to redirect if something doesn’t work out?  Has time dampened my adventuresome impulses?

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As I often do when I’m trying to figure something out, I decided to make a list. I wrote on the top of the page: “What am I afraid of?” Okay, Liza, let it rip.  I won’t bore you with my list, but what I discovered is that it’s difficult to come up with concrete things, everything I wrote was vague and fuzzy.  And when I was able to define something, it seemed silly.  Like, really?

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Here’s the thing:  Fear doesn’t exist.  It’s the bullshit of the mind

 

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Upon further meditation, I have identified the fear as:  vulnerability. I feel a physical vulnerability that I’ve never had before and that’s shaken my confidence.  A body that’s been well lived, results of serious tennis playing coming to bear. The shoulder, the hip. Curiously, this has also affected my balance.

I feel vulnerable because I will take this next step utterly alone. Move to a new city, country without a support system and begin again.

Finally, there is the financial vulnerability.  Have I saved enough to live the life I wish to be accustomed to? And, will it last?

There are no answers to any of these questions.  They are what we all face when we make a decision.  When the fear overwhelms, I repeat the phrase my business coach Marie Forleo made famous:

Everything-is-figureoutable

And you know what?  It is.  So I shall just sit down and figure it out. Watch this space for my big decisions coming your way.

What about YOU?  Is fear a resident in your life?  What are your fearful of?  How do you handle your fear.  Let’s have it out, right here. Well, below, in the comments box.

xo Liza

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13 thoughts on “Who let the fear in?

  1. It’s undeniable that aging slows us down and atrophies a few synapsis so that is a small consideration. BUT … Maybe we don’t want to change. Perhaps we are content with what we have, where we are, what we are doing. Quote me the Life Rule that says we must always be changing. I like me right now and if l have to change anything let me change my mind and keep my spiritual life – as balanced with my material life – fresh and vibrant. Fear what? Your exercise of writing down your fears is an excellent response. I am getting ready for the great, end of life change and working on getting excited about what comes next. It is not nothing.

  2. thank you Liza. Fear Is in the future and the future does not exist. Fear is message and it is an important message to observe. It can make a lot of sense or just be a projection of the mind, as you say. let’s watch our fears and learn about them! love

  3. Fear took up residency in my life when I was diagnosed with cancer. Yes, I have overcome the cancer, but the fear persists, and the ‘what if’ is always there. If there is anything I have learned over the subsequent years is that fear will only leave you where you are, may take you backward, but you will never get rid of it and move forward with joy unless you physically push it out of your mind, your emotions, your life. It is not easy, and, it is always one day at a time, because, life is, you know, life. It does seem that anything worthwhile is never easy. This is exactly one of those times for many of us. May we all come out strong and confident, but mostly healthy and happy.

    1. Thank you, Nikki, for sharing your story. You add a perspective that is unparalleled. You are an inspiration. I understand now that there is no magic cure for fear. It is about “physically” pushing it out of our lives.

  4. It definitely comes with age. The balance thing too. When that feeling of fear creeps up on me, I do what Esther Hicks suggests and reach for a better feeling thought. It helps. Good luck on your journey.

  5. So good to learn it’s not just me dealing with these feelings. I’m 3 years away from retirement, living alone and contemplating the next phase of my life. I feel like I’m in limbo right now as things I’d like to do are not feasible yet due to still working full time. I try to stay positive and do healthy, positive things for myself but it feels lacking. One day at a time seems to be the way right now

  6. THANK YOU! You’ve actually described exactly what is going on with me! FEAR! Fear of what the heck I’m gonna do with the rest of my time here on Planet Earth. Having worked diligently at many ‘careers’ in my life, now at 67 years YOUNG I find that I have all of this energy and no place to use it. After my coaching position in a call center of ten years was outsourced to South America, I cheerfully looked at this as an opportunity to return to school at 63 to learn how to become a chef. This, I reasoned would be something I had always wanted to do and I was certain that I would have fun as well. Little did I realize beforehand that businesses do not hire novice chefs without any experience,and particularly one who looks like their grandmother. I feel like a dog with it’s tail between it’s legs with bright eyes, diploma in hand, wanting to do and play but alas, discrimination among the elderly is prevalent and keeps me indoors and isolated. Hobbies are not something I ever had time to cultivate because I was a single Mom and always working. Not sure what to do or where to start.

  7. You are a great encourager! Love your style and glad I found your posts. …….enjoying the reading.Thanks

  8. Hello to All. I am seeing this blog/site for the first time. Soon, at 62 years young, I will be the oldest of my tight group of women friends. It feels quite odd. I was always very independent and proud of it – no hesitation in taking the bull by the horns. But now, as with some of you, “fear” has reared it’s ugly head. Like most Americans, I don’t have enough money to fully retire and don’t know when is the best time to sell my town home to supplement my living after “work”. Not owning my home? Scary. Living by someone else’s house rules? Can’t imagine. Yet I won’t even live long enough to pay off my home and bought it as a retirement investment in the first place. I don’t know whether to move back to where my siblings and their families still live, or try to stay in my beautiful, adopted home of Colorado with my family of friends. I am unmarried and no children. Though never a shortage of men in my life, there were none I could fully commit to for more than 9 years – just too independent, I guess. Now, I “fear” my life choices may have been completely wrong as my BIGGEST “fear” is loneliness. Though I have a relationship, we don’t live together and all my female friends are married. Another unwelcome guest has also come into my life in the last few months – anxiety, hello! What fresh nonsense is this?! Something I can’t control on my own and now taking medication. Intellectually, I am completely aware that “fear” is false and yet, here it is and it is paralyzing! Now I find it difficult to even make a decision! My life is full – full time job, play music in a working band, a home & garden to take care of, a man, my wonderful friends, a social life, lots of activity. Well, it does feel better just writing it down. Hope my musings haven’t been too long . . . Think I’d better just buck up and be grateful! Thank-you.

    1. Laura! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and life story. You’re doing great! We are all muddling through this. There are no answers. Take it one day at a time and maybe a decision will make itself clear to you. Carry on!

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