I’m surrendering already


The hot topic

This is the view from my third week of dengue, still in the house, on the couch. Surrender is the hot button on the internet, the “new” cure for all that ails you.   But it’s an age old, traditional Zen concept.  Some people say surrender, others say acceptance.  Surrender seems more active, there is movement, a letting go.  Whilst acceptance seems like sitting back, chilling.

Both are about giving yourself into the reality of the moment.  “Isness is your business.” That’s all over the internet too.

I have created so much stress in my life by not surrendering.  I was always a struggler, striving for things I wanted to do, for my education, jobs, for the best opportunities for my children, for spiritual growth and understanding, for change.

Living in Tropica has been a life lesson in surrender.  One small example:  time and schedules don’t matter here.  Make an appointment with a workman?  He might come now, later, tomorrow, next week, never.

So I learned.  I make the appointment and carry on with my life, leaving the house, doing errands.  Because if I stay home for a 9 a.m. appointment, I will probably be sitting there at 5:00 p.m., still waiting.

Eventually the contractor and I will run into each other.

This attitude has saved me many attacks of agita.

Now I am surrendering all over the place.  I’ve surrendered to my diet; it will take as long as it takes.  I surrendered when the Apple tech told me to erase the hard drive (and all my everything) off my MacBook, and that now my MacBook is in the repair shop for hardware fixes.  (I’m writing this on a clever, $250 Samsung Chromebook.)  I’ve surrendered to not being able to fix the problems of my adult children.  To letting dengue takes it course through my body.  Accepting that my house will sell…when it sells. (And maybe never?) Watching my friends deal with all the serious difficulties shit in their lives. (Amazed at how Jesse balances surrender with action, a most delicate tightrope walk.)

Surrender is a hard lesson for me, because I always thought I had to actively pursue everything, from life goals to spiritual understanding.  I have stopped searching so actively for answers and am inviting to them come to make their presence known when the time is right.  In the end, surrender is all we have, it is all we can do.  It is what we will do in our last breath.  Ah…that’s why the Zen masters have us practice it all our lives.

The best part about surrender?  It leaves room for surprises.  Lots of room. Lots of surprises.

What about you?  How do you balance struggle and striving — with surrender?

xo Liza

Hello my lovelies!  A contemplative post from my sick bed couch.  Listening to audiobooks.  Watching movies.  Planning my spring trip to Europe.  Telephoning friends.  Please share your thoughts below.  The comments section is the most fun and interesting part of Camp Liza. It helps me tremendously if you “share” or “like” this post via the clever buttons below.  And if you haven’t already, enter your email up at the top, so you won’t miss a thing.

4 thoughts on “I’m surrendering already

  1. I so enjoyed reading this…it speaks volumes to me. I’m in week 7 of ChikV so I can relate. Hope you feel better soon…

  2. a very insightful posting–I too struggle with surrender, despite my belief that all things happen when they are meant to, and fighting that truth is futile. Yet still I jump up and down, raging that things don’t always line up as I think they should. I’m going to ponder this. I hope you are feeling better soon.

  3. Sometimes things happen in life that makes us stop in our tracks and take stock of EVERYTHING!
    I hear where you’re coming from, I’m a striver too, non stop never take a breath until you’re forced to re-evaluate everything.
    It’s difficult to accept we have to surrender seeing it as almost unheard of. I’m sure once you’re fully recovered you’ll be back up and running, ill health does that to us you have to concentrate on YOU and surrender to everything else.
    Feel better soon xx

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